Living with chronic illness often feels like being handed a mystery with missing clues. For years, I kept running into symptoms that seemed unrelated, like migraines, food sensitivities, random bouts of pain, even moments that interfered with bonding with my baby. Only much later did I start to trace the connections back to a single theme: inflammation.
And for me, oxalates turned out to be one of the hidden triggers I never expected.
Gaming Through Kidney Stones
In my twenties, Steve and I were big gamers. Weekends, when David was with his dad, were often spent immersed in World of Warcraft, running dungeons and raids together. Steve usually played a hunter, and I was almost always the healer.
One weekend we were raiding Zul’Gurub and short a tank. Since I was playing a druid, I shifted into bear form to step in. At first everything was fine, until an odd, sharp pain hit my side. It built up slowly at first, but by the middle of the raid, I was standing at my desk, trying to relieve the pressure in my core just enough to keep playing.
It sounds ridiculous now, but I literally bear-tanked my way through kidney stones without realizing it. After the raid, the pain became unbearable, and Steve rushed me to the ER. An ultrasound gave an explanation for the intense pain: kidney stones.
The doctor reassured me it would pass on its own, and eventually it did. But what stuck with me was relief. Relief to know why my body had screamed so loudly that day.
At the time, no one mentioned diet, oxalates, or any preventative steps. It was framed as one of those random things that “just happens.”
I didn’t know it yet, but that wasn’t the end of the story.
Postpartum Pain No One Talks About
Fast forward about seven years. We had just welcomed baby M., and I was determined to eat “healthy” to lose the baby weight. Spinach salads, sweet potatoes, almonds, almond milk, baked potatoes, cashews. Looking back now, my entire diet was high oxalate.
Within a few days, I noticed a strange sensitivity. Each meal made things worse. Sitting hurt. Holding the baby for long stretches became uncomfortable. And intimacy? Out of the question. It felt like shards of glass were embedded everywhere down there.
I finally went to see my OB/GYN; the diagnosis was vulvodynia. When discussing what could be done to relieve the pain, she made a passing comment: “You might want to look into oxalates.”
I didn’t know what oxalates were, but I went home and did a deep dive.
Suddenly everything made sense. My diet had shifted almost overnight to nearly all high-oxalate foods. I cut them back out immediately. Within a couple of days, the pain vanished.
Since then I’ve read more stories from other women and now understand that what my OB/GYN shared with me is something many women never get told: that oxalates could play a role in triggering this kind of pain. It isn’t something many doctors mention, because it hasn’t been “proven” in the way that earns space in medical guidelines.
But in my body, the cause-and-effect was undeniable.
Migraines Since Puberty, Gone Overnight
I’ve shared before that migraines have been one of my longest battles. They started in puberty and often stole school days, sports practices, and evenings with friends. They were constant companions, lingering in the background of my life.
What shocked me most after switching to a low-oxalate diet wasn’t just the relief from vulvodynia. It was the sudden quiet in my head. For the first time since adolescence, the migraines disappeared.
To say I was stunned doesn’t even begin to cover it. After years of trial and error, countless medications, and endless lifestyle tweaks, the thing that finally changed my migraines was hidden in my salad bowl.
And, just as importantly, I haven’t had a repeat of kidney stones since either.
The Missing Conversations in Women’s Health
Realizing that kidney stones, vulvodynia, and migraines were all connected through oxalates was like watching the conclusion of the mystery movie you’ve been watching, with all the clues falling into place with explanations. But it also left me frustrated.
Why didn’t anyone bring this up sooner? Why wasn’t it mentioned in the ER after kidney stones, or by doctors after years of migraines? Why is it so common for women’s health issues, especially painful ones like vulvodynia, to go under-researched and underfunded?
This knowledge exists. But too often it isn’t communicated, and patients are left to stumble into solutions by accident or desperation. I was lucky. An offhand comment from a doctor cracked the door open for me to find an answer.
I know many women never get that chance.
Oxalates, Inflammation, and MCAS
Looking back now, I see oxalates as part of the bigger inflammatory picture in my life. Just like gluten and dairy, they’ve been quiet triggers all along.
I can’t say that going low oxalate solved everything: my brain fog, fatigue, and neck pain didn’t magically disappear. But removing oxalates stopped one of the most debilitating symptoms I’d lived with for decades.
For someone with MCAS, where hidden triggers lurk in every corner, that kind of breakthrough feels life-changing.
What I’d Tell My Younger Self
If I could go back to that night in Zul’Gurub, when I was standing at my desk trying to power through a raid while my body screamed at me, I’d whisper:
Stay hydrated. Pay attention to the foods you eat. And please, don’t ignore the inflammation hiding beneath the surface.
Because the truth is, our bodies leave us clues. Sometimes those clues show up in the most unexpected ways, whether it’s in the middle of a video game raid or while rocking a newborn to sleep.
Advice for Others
If you’re reading this and struggling with unexplained pelvic pain, migraines, or kidney stones, here’s what I’d share:
- Look into every possible explanation. Sometimes the answer is hiding in your food.
- Track your symptoms. Journaling meals, flares, and pain can help reveal patterns your doctor might not see.
- Advocate for yourself. Even if your doctor doesn’t bring up oxalates, you have the power to explore dietary changes safely.
Because sometimes the simplest shifts can have the most profound impact.
Final Thoughts
My journey through kidney stones, vulvodynia, and migraines wasn’t linear. Each chapter felt disconnected at the time, another hurdle to push through. But now I see them as part of the same story — a story about inflammation, oxalates, and the way my body has been speaking to me all along.
And while I can’t change how little research exists or how rarely these connections are discussed in doctors’ offices, I can share my story. My hope is that by opening up about my own experiences, someone else might find the missing information to solve their own mystery.
Because none of us should have to bear-tank our way through kidney stones before we get the answers we deserve.
