How I Coped When My Spouse Went Through a Medical Crash

Caregiver husband, holding hands with and comforting wife, during a medical emergency.

Hi, I’m Steve, and I want to share a story that might just resonate with you if you’ve ever faced a medical crisis with a loved one.

It all started on an ordinary evening in 2018. My wife, Hillary, was getting ready for bed when she started feeling itchy. Nothing alarming, right? We all have those moments. But then, things took a wild turn. Despite popping a Benadryl, the itching didn’t stop. In fact, it got worse. Fast forward 40 minutes, and she’s texting me from upstairs, still itching. I headed up with another Benadryl, thinking we’d finally put this to bed. But no, her symptoms escalated, and she felt like her throat was closing. Suddenly, our calm evening turned into a race to the ER.

Navigating that night was like being dropped into a whirlwind. The ER visit felt like an eternity, and the uncertainty was suffocating. The doctor prescribed steroids, but when that didn’t fully work, he reached for the EpiPen. Seeing the severity of her reaction hit me hard. It was scary realizing we were in a serious emergency without even recognizing it at first. And if that wasn’t enough, a few days later, she had another episode. Back to the ER we went, and the cycle started again.

Living through those moments was tough. Emotionally, I was a wreck, constantly anxious and worried about what could happen next. Practically, managing all the information and making sure Hillary got the care she needed was overwhelming. We had just moved to a new state and were far from any support network. It was just us and our very young daughters.

But here’s the thing—through all the chaos, I learned a lot. And if you’re going through something similar, I want to share some of what helped me cope. 

Family organizing medical information for a hospital visit.
Family organizing medical information for a hospital visit.

Definition and Characteristics

What is a Medical Crash?

In simple terms, a medical crash is a sudden and severe health emergency that demands immediate attention. It’s the kind of event that forces you to drop everything and rush to the nearest hospital, heart pounding, mind racing. 

For Hillary it started with an innocuous itch that rapidly escalated into a full-blown anaphylactic reaction. One minute, she’s trying to sleep; the next, we’re speeding to the ER.

Medical crashes are characterized by their unpredictability and severity. They strike without warning, leaving no time to prepare. 

The symptoms can range from extreme pain, difficulty breathing, loss of consciousness, to severe allergic reactions, as was the case with Hillary. The suddenness of these events makes them particularly terrifying because you don’t see them coming. They challenge your ability to think clearly and act swiftly, often in a state of shock and fear.

What is a medical crash, and how can it be managed?

A medical crash is a sudden and severe health emergency requiring immediate medical attention. To manage it:
Keep a medical binder with all relevant health information.
Use digital tools to track and share medical records.
Be prepared for ER visits with an emergency bag.
Communicate effectively with healthcare providers.
Stay informed and advocate for your spouse’s needs persistently.

ER Trips: Long Waits, and the Chaos of Emergency Rooms

The chaos of the ER can be overwhelming. It’s a place of long waits, beeping machines, and hurried staff. The atmosphere is charged with urgency and uncertainty. You might sit for hours, anxiously waiting for a doctor to see your loved one, all the while surrounded by the sights and sounds of other people’s emergencies. It’s a sensory overload that adds to the stress and fear you’re already experiencing.

For us, the first trip was a blur of activity and worry. Hillary was quickly assessed and given steroids, but the symptoms persisted. It wasn’t until the EpiPen was administered that she finally started to stabilize. Even then, the night was far from over. We stayed in the ER, monitoring her condition, hoping for no further complications. The realization that we were dealing with something severe dawned on me as I watched the medical teamwork.

What should I bring to the ER during a medical emergency?

When heading to the ER during a medical emergency, it’s crucial to be prepared. Bring the following essentials:
A list of current medications and allergies.
Copies of medical records and health insurance information.
Photo ID and any relevant legal documents (like power of attorney).
Comfort items such as snacks, water, and a phone charger.
A notebook and pen for taking notes during consultations.

How do I stay calm during a medical emergency?

Focus on the immediate tasks at hand to stay grounded.
Reach out to friends or family members for emotional support.
Keep yourself informed about your spouse’s condition to reduce uncertainty.
Remember to take breaks and care for your own needs as well.

Uncertainty and Lack of Diagnosis: Dealing with Unknown Diagnoses and Unpredictable Outcomes

One of the most challenging aspects of a medical crash is the uncertainty that comes with it. In many cases, the cause of the crash isn’t immediately clear. You’re left in a limbo of not knowing what’s happening or why it’s happening. This lack of diagnosis can be incredibly frustrating and frightening. 

You’re desperate for answers, but all you get are more questions.

During Hillary’s medical crash, we faced this uncertainty head-on. The first reaction was terrifying enough, but when she had another episode just days later, the fear multiplied. We were dealing with an unknown enemy. 

The doctors ran tests, but the answers were slow to come. In the meantime, we were left to cope with the unpredictability of her condition. Would she have another reaction? How severe would it be? What triggered it in the first place? What could she safely eat (and drink) until we had answers?

This uncertainty takes a toll on you emotionally and mentally. You feel helpless because you can’t fix the problem or protect your loved one from the unknown. Every day is a mix of hope and fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

9 Best Practices for Managing Medical Emergencies

Organizing Medical Information During a Spouse’s Health Crisis

  1. Keep a Medical Binder

One of the first things you’ll want to do is create a medical binder. This binder should be your go-to resource, containing all medical records, prescriptions, and doctor’s notes. Keeping everything in one place ensures you have quick access to vital information during appointments or emergencies. It’s a lifesaver when you’re under stress and need to provide comprehensive medical history fast.

Person organizing medical records in a binder.
Person organizing medical records in a binder.
  1. Digital Tools for Managing Medical Information

In today’s digital age, there are plenty of apps and online tools designed to help manage and share medical information. Using these tools can make your life easier by allowing you to track medications, appointments, and symptoms. Apps like MyChart or Apple Health can sync medical records from different providers, giving you a holistic view of your spouse’s health at your fingertips.

Communicating with Healthcare Professionals

  1. Be Prepared for Medical Appointments

Going to a medical appointment unprepared can leave you feeling lost and overwhelmed. Before each visit, prepare a list of questions and a summary of your spouse’s medical history. This helps ensure you cover all concerns and make the most of the limited time with healthcare providers. Trust me, a little preparation goes a long way in getting the answers you need.

  1. Take Notes During Medical Discussions

It’s easy to forget what was discussed during a doctor’s appointment, especially when you’re anxious. Make a habit of taking notes during these discussions. Documenting what the doctor says about diagnoses, treatments, and next steps will help you remember critical information and provide a reference for future appointments.

Preparing for ER Visits

  1. Pack an Emergency Bag for Medical Crashes

An emergency go bag is a must-have when you’re in medical uncertainty. Pack it with essentials like medications, insurance information, and comfort items such as snacks and a phone charger. Having this bag ready to go can save precious time and reduce stress if a medical crisis strikes.

Emergency bag packed with essentials for a hospital visit.
Emergency bag packed with essentials for a hospital visit.
  1. Know Your Rights as a Caregiver

As a caregiver, it’s essential to understand patient rights and advocate for your spouse’s needs. This includes knowing about consent, privacy laws, and the right to second opinions. Being informed empowers you to ensure your spouse receives the best possible care.

Advocating for Your Spouse During a Medical Crisis

  1. Stay Informed About Your Spouse’s Condition

Knowledge is power. Research your spouse’s condition thoroughly and stay updated on the latest treatments and alternatives. This information will help you make informed decisions and ask the right questions when consulting with healthcare providers.

  1. Communicate Effectively with Healthcare Providers

Clear communication with healthcare providers is crucial. Express your concerns and preferences clearly and assertively. Ensure you understand the explanations and instructions given by the medical staff. Don’t hesitate to ask for clarification if something is unclear.

Caregiver talking to a doctor in a hospital.
Caregiver talking to a doctor in a hospital setting.
  1. Be Persistent in Following Up

Following up on appointments, test results, and treatment plans is critical. Persistence ensures that nothing falls through the cracks and that your spouse’s care is continuous and coordinated. Keep track of all follow-ups in your medical binder or digital tool for easy reference.

When we’re in the thick of something critical with Hillary’s health, I think of myself as the quarterback for her team. By following up and asking questions, I’m able to help get her seen faster and concerns resolved.

How can I effectively advocate for my spouse during a medical crisis?

Advocating for your spouse involves clear communication and persistence:

Stay informed about their condition and treatment options.
Prepare a list of questions for healthcare providers.
Take detailed notes during medical consultations.
Assertively express concerns and preferences to the medical team.
Follow up on test results, appointments, and treatment plans to ensure continuity of care.

Navigating the Healthcare System

Understanding the roles of different healthcare providers can make navigating the healthcare system less daunting.

Primary Care Physician

The primary care physician (PCP) coordinates overall care and referrals to specialists. They are your first point of contact for health concerns and play a crucial role in managing chronic conditions.

We were incredibly lucky that we had a great PCP. She didn’t know what was wrong with Hillary, but she could see the symptoms and knew something wasn’t right. She committed to getting Hillary in front of every specialist she could until someone could tell her that they’d seen something like this before.

Caregiver discussing treatment options with a doctor.
Caregiver discussing treatment options with a doctor.

Specialists (or Secondary Care)

Specialists provide expertise on specific medical conditions. They conduct detailed assessments and offer specialized treatments that your PCP might not be able to provide.

Due to the anaphylactic reaction, we of course saw an allergist. All of Hillary’s results came back normal and the allergist gave Hillary a clean bill of health. We also saw a pulmonologist because of the shortness of breath. After multiple tests, he too said she was in great health. Finally, Hillary had an endoscopy with a gastroenterologist, thinking she might have Eosinophilic gastritis. It turned out she didn’t. It was after this that Hillary’s case was referred to tertiary care.

Tertiary Care

Sometimes, the complexities of a medical condition require an even higher level of specialized care. Tertiary care involves advanced medical investigation and treatment, typically in a large hospital or a specialized facility. For us, this meant going to UCLA for Hillary’s tertiary care. After four grueling months of visiting various specialists who couldn’t determine what was wrong, UCLA’s experts diagnosed her with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). This diagnosis was a significant turning point, providing clarity and a path forward in managing her health.

What are the roles of different healthcare providers in a medical crisis?

Understanding the roles of healthcare providers can improve coordination of care:

Primary Care Physician (PCP): Manages overall health and referrals to specialists.
Specialists (Secondary Care): Provide expertise and treatment for specific conditions.
Tertiary Care Providers: Offer advanced medical investigation and treatment in specialized facilities.

By organizing medical information, communicating effectively with healthcare professionals, preparing for ER visits, advocating for your spouse, and understanding the roles of different healthcare providers, you can manage medical emergencies with greater confidence and efficiency. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey—there are resources and support systems out there to help you through.

Share Your Medical Emergency Experiences and Tips

Navigating the maze of a medical crisis with a loved one is no easy feat. 

Caregiver speaking with a support group.
Caregiver speaking with a support group for support.

Have you been through something similar? We’d love to hear your story. Sharing your experiences, tips, and insights can provide invaluable support and guidance to others in the same boat. Whether it’s organizing medical information, advocating for your spouse, or just staying sane through it all, your wisdom could be just what another caregiver needs.

Support for other caregivers is essential. You’re not alone in this journey. Together, we can build a community of strength, understanding, and practical advice. So, please drop your thoughts, stories, or any additional tips in the comments below. Let’s support each other through these challenging times.

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